I wasn't going to say anything because, frankly, I have no opinion about what that person should do regarding car purchases. I myself don't have much interest in cars as anything other than a utility, and don't really know if the new Camaro is all that interesting or not. But then, I wondered what it would be like to say "No". I then suddenly realized that saying "No" felt inappropriate and wrong. My inner etiquette alarm went off.
So, naturally, I said "no".
Immediately after, two other people posted comments telling this person to buy the Camaro. Nobody chastised me on my negative response - but certainly they were all positive.
Which left me wondering - is it EVER appropriate to say "No" on facebook in response to this sort of question? I don't believe it is. I believe the actual interchange is not really about soliticiting a response geared toward assisting in the decision making. I believe the real purpose of the interchange is positive affirmation - morale boosting, cheering up, etc. The real thing the person was saying was "I want to enjoy something, and this is what it is. I am pretending to ask for opinions, but I am not really asking for you to say anything but 'yes' - thus affirming that I deserve to enjoy myself with an indulgence."
I don't believe we use Facebook status for real decision feedback - we use it for quick, chit chat style small talk. Decision making is for other venues - e.g. discussion forums, mailing lists. But status updates is where you seek quick cheering up, affirmation of your values, etc.
Sometimes, it seems like "No" is the right response, but I would suggest that in this case the question is actually applied sarcastically to be framed as a negative, but really seeking to affirm the opposite. For example "Sally is going to give up on her dreams of becoming a dancer and just join the blasted army!"... which is guaranteed to get "Nooo! Don't do it!" responses, but only because everyone knows Sally isn't serious, she is just frustrated, and wants everyone to know how difficult pursuing her dreams really is and is fishing for a bit of encouragement disguised as railing against a military career choice.
Like always, I state my case here with nothing more than ad hoc observations. I haven't the guts to test the principal to its limits (e.g. by replying "No" whenever someone obviously isn't REALLY looking for an opinion) for fear of losing the few enough friends I have accumulated. I leave such bravery to more spirited souls... say those studying psychology at Berkeley or something.
4 comments:
Your inner Sheldon is showing.
my response: yes. you deserve to enjoy yourself with an occasional indulgence. i do it all the time, it's fun. anyone that takes facebook TOO seriously needs to get a life...(said the woman that deleted 10% of her friends in a fit of emotion rage 2 weeks ago...but doesn't regret it)
i want to add to my comments on this topic. i ran into a situation about a month ago, where facebookers i was connected to (people i hung out with in highschool), started using facebook to passive-aggressively hurt me. did they do it on purpose, you ask? how can i be sure the wall posts and comments they were making had ANYTHING to do with ME? all i can say is, i'm not wrong, they were definitely mal-intended, and had to do with my reunion coordination planning efforts. i decided to NOT allow them to do this, and so i deleted them, and then further i made a status update asking all other backstabbers i may have missed to please delete me. i have felt much better since doing this. i think you need to be careful to NOT allow people to 'use facebook' as a weapon. it is cowardly, and can can inflict un-necessary yet intentional emotional damage if it isn't controlled. i think it is appropriate to delete 'friends' for any mis-use of facebooking. not sure if this is completely related to the original post, but it stirred this up for me.
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